Actor and comedian Dax Shepard says he and wife Kristen Bell let their kids ride motorcycles in their neighborhood – and parenting experts say that’s a good thing.
“Do whatever you want. I trust you, you know how to get home,” Shepard says. “You know how to flag a stranger. They’ve had really a ton of autonomy, I think, relative to other kids.”
On the March 12 episode of Dax Shepard’s “Armchair Expert” podcast, the actor opened up about his free-range parenting style with Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Anxious Generation.”
Haidt praised Shepard for his parenting style and emphasized the importance of letting children problem solve and make choices when they encounter obstacles.
“The gut response is why should you take any risk,” Haidt says. “Whereas, if you think about it, you realize, ‘Wait, If I don’t train my child how to take risk … I’m creating a child who won’t be able to deal with the world, and that’s what we’ve done.”
What is free-range parenting?
Free-range parenting is a philosophy that emphasizes free play, increased independence and limited parental intervention. Advocates of the practice argue constant supervision restricts a child’s natural process developing resilience, independence and resourcefulness, and encourages children to problem solve without direct supervision, such as taking public transit, walking to school or playing at the park.
Lenore Skenazy, the author of “Free-Range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow,” said in a 2020 Armchair Expert episode that constant parental intervention is a “disempowering, distressing, demoralizing way to live.”
“There’s something lost to the kids when they are constantly under surveillance and constantly helped and assisted and supervised,” says Skenazy.
Shepard says he had an “inordinate amount of free time and responsibility” as a child and started working in cornfields at 12 years old in the summer, which he says makes him predisposed to embracing the “anti helicopter” parenting movement.
Proponents of protective parenting argue free-range parenting increases the risk children encounter danger and can result in neglect when children are improperly supervised. Free-range parents also may run into legal issues; states like Illinois and Oregon don’t allow children to be left alone under the ages of 14 and 10, respectively.
Why overprotection isn’t always a good thing
Skenazy says constant overprotection inadvertently creates vulnerable kids who don’t know how to respond to adverse situations. On the other hand, Skenazy argues, giving kids a “practical roadmap” for how to stay safe can be empowering.
As hands-off as Skenazy and Haidt are about kids in the real world, they advocate for a more restricted online one. Shepard’s kids, who are 10 and 12, have iPods with restrictions. They can text on WiFi at home, listen to music and audiobooks, and create home movies, but don’t use games or social media.
Shepard says the approach is working.
“I just deep panicked that they were going to get obsessed with it,” Shepard says. “They forget to charge it. A month goes by and they go, ‘Oh, I want to do whatever,’ and they charge it.”
In the podcast, Haidt describes that America underwent a “moral panic” throughout the 1990s when there was a disproportionate level of concern about kidnappings and sex trafficking as parents simultaneously stopped trusting their neighbors, resulting in a “clamp down on the autonomy of children.”
“What’s so insane about what’s happening, parents are afraid to let their kids run around outside because they’re afraid they’ll get picked up by a sex predator,” Haidt says, adding that now, sex predators can easily contact children on social media.
Here’s what Haidt and Skenazy say parents can do to raise resilient children
Haidt advocates for four norms for parents and schools: no smartphones until high school, no social media before 16, phone-free schools and more independence, responsibility and freedom in the real world.
Haidt acknowledged that parents who restrict phone use may isolate their children socially if they’re the only kids in their class without a smartphone. He emphasized that the four norms will only function as proper solutions if parents collectively decide not to give their kids smartphones.
“The key is to give your kids a great, exciting social childhood,” Haidt says. “If your kids have a gang, if they have just a few other kids that they can hang around with, they’re probably gonna come out fine.
Shepard says taking worthwhile risks, like driving a car, are a part of everyday life.
“What people are not doing, I think accurately, is assessing what’s at stake,” Shepard says. “If you don’t drive a car you’re not going anywhere in your life and if your kids don’t have this sense of competence and autonomy, they’re going to miss out on where the car takes you.”
Skenazy advocated for teaching children the three R’s when it comes to threats: Recognize, resist and report, and said she embraces the idea that when adults step back, kids step up.
“Tell your kids that if something happens to them that makes them feel bad or sad, they can talk to you about it,” Skenazy says. “Even if somebody says, ‘this is our secret,’ you can tell me, and nothing bad will happen to you. I won’t be mad at you, I won’t blame you.”
Like the immune system, Haidt says kids are antifragile — meant to learn from challenges.
“Imagine your kid in two ways. In one, your kid is competent and confident, and they go out there into the world and they’re doing things. And the other, they’re just always afraid because they think everything’s risky. Which one do you want for your kid?” Haidt says.
Rachel Hale’s role covering youth mental health at USA TODAY is funded by a grant from Pivotal Ventures. Pivotal Ventures does not provide editorial input. Reach her at [email protected] and @rachelleighhale on X.
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