Chappell Roan said her friends who have kids seem miserable and people get upset. But what if she’s right?
Chappell Roan admits fame adds to mental health struggles
At a Grammy Museum event, Chappell Roan opened up about managing success and her own mental health.
Pop music superstar Chappell Roan has again angered people for being a young woman with opinions. This time, it’s for her comments on parenthood.
In an interview for the podcast “Call Her Daddy,” Roan, 27, spoke about some of her friends back home who have kids.
“All of my friends who have kids are in hell,” she told host Alex Cooper. “I actually don’t know anyone who’s like happy and has children at this age.”
This comment struck a nerve with moms across the country, and they’ve started a conversation on TikTok about the quip.
“Mothers are so harshly criticized from all directions enough already,” one user commented on the “Call Her Daddy” clip on TikTok. “As women we should not be picking each other apart, but raising each other up. Disappointed :/”
I don’t think Roan was saying it as a diss to mothers. I think she was saying that being a parent looks really, really hard. Like Roan, I’m on the fence about having children – at least at my age.
You can hear the clip for yourself. Just be warned. She uses spicy language.
I don’t know if I want kids, and that’s OK
Roan’s comments on her friends’ lives resonated with me. I know several women with whom I graduated high school who have children. I often see their Facebook posts about the joy their children bring to their lives and their posts about parenthood’s challenges. Even if they wouldn’t describe it as “hell,” it certainly doesn’t seem easy.
Like Roan, I’m 27 years old – the average age American women have their first child, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Even though my biological clock is ticking, I am still undecided about whether I will have children.
I’m not necessarily scared of pregnancy or childbirth. I’ve considered whether I’d want to adopt or find a sperm donor.
I think I could be a good mother if I had to be – I certainly had a great example in my mother. I’m just not sure that I want to be one, at least right now.
A big part of that is I’m a single woman living in New York City. For now, this is exactly where I want to be. I imagine having children would require me to either move away or drastically change my lifestyle, something I’m not ready to compromise on just yet.
Another element of this is the fact that I’m gay.
For LGBTQ+ people like Roan and me, having children isn’t a given. About 18% of LGBTQ+ people are parents of children under 18, compared with 39% of all households in the United States.
A white picket fence and a house in the suburbs is nice, but it isn’t for everyone. I get to make those decisions for myself instead of just following the path I’m expected to follow.
I’m sure my opinion could change if I met someone who feels passionate about having children. For now, however, I enjoy being childless in my 20s. So does Roan.
Listen to the whole Chappell Roan interview, people. She says more.
It’s also clear that people are just listening to a single sound bite instead of listening to the whole interview. About an hour into the conversation, the topic came up again. This time, Roan clarified her stance.
“They’re in hell ’cause they love their kids,” Roan said.
She’s clearly talking about her own feelings about what her friends are going through, not judging them for their decision. People just want to hate her for being a young woman who dares to live a life unburdened by societal expectations.
What she said describes how I feel. For those of us who aren’t dead set on having children, it can be hard to see the appeal. I know plenty of wonderful reasons to become a mother; I just don’t see it as my sole purpose in life. I’m grateful that Roan said what she did, even if it ruffled some feathers.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Sara Pequeño on X, formerly Twitter: @sara__pequeno
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