Nicole Kidman is tulip crazy in dull thriller

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The biggest mystery in the Nicole Kidman thriller “Holland” is how to keep from falling asleep. Since it’s streaming on Prime Video, Amazon really should throw in a coffee maker so you can make it to the film’s lackluster denouement.

“Holland” (★½ out of four; rated R; streaming now) immerses Kidman in Midwestern malaise, taking the A-lister to a Michigan town known for its tulips, ginormous windmill and Dutch festival fare. Her Lifetime-esque potboiler centers on a bored working mom who discovers her husband might not be on the level, but while the locale is postcard idyllic, the narrative is a never-ending slog, only getting halfway interesting with a silly third-act twist and a suddenly bloody finale.

“Every day I get to wake up in the best place on Earth,” says Nancy Vandergroot (Kidman), almost trying to convince herself that her perfect life isn’t perfectly boring.

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‘Holland’: Nicole Kidman is embroiled in a Midwestern mystery

A bored Michigan woman (Nicole Kidman) begins to think her optometrist hubby (Matthew Macfadyen) might be living a double life in “Holland.”

Nancy’s biggest issues seem to be her 13-year-old son Harry (Jude Hill) being “cheesed off” at her and wondering if disinterested babysitter Candy (Rachel Sennott) stole one of her pearl earrings. She teaches life skills at the high school, where she sips on a Hi-C juice box during chats with shop teacher pal Dave (Gael García Bernal), and comes home to strait-laced optometrist husband Fred (Matthew Macfadyen) when he’s not traveling for work. Which is often.

But drawing ketchup hearts on meatloaf isn’t doing it for Nancy anymore. She’s haunted by weird nightmares and increasingly restless when she discovers small clues that make her believe Fred isn’t being entirely truthful about where he’s been going.

When she worries about him cheating, Dave tries to have her keep things in perspective – he even wonders aloud to her what we’re all thinking, like who’s going to hook up with this dull eye doctor? However, Dave also fosters strong feelings for Nancy, so he becomes a willing participant in her sneaky missions to seek out evidence. Along the way, Nancy and Dave dig up something wholly unexpected that puts a damper on their enjoying Holland’s Tulip Time parade.

Directed by Mimi Cave, who helmed the more confidently bonkers “Fresh,” “Holland” is a slice of underwhelming disturbia that wastes its actors and its premise. Holland, Michigan, is REALLY into tulips and offers a lot of potentially interesting visuals and plot points, yet much of the thriller could have been set anywhere. There is one creative use of a wooden clog that’s pretty inspired, and a couple of scenes with Kidman in Dutch wardrobe that are unsettling, purposefully or not.

Kidman has done better nervy performances than this, but she also doesn’t have a ton to work with in Andrew Sodroski’s script: There are quite a few seeds planted that tease to Nancy’s mysterious backstory but frustratingly fail to bear fruit. Bernal is solid as a man who lets love get in the way of making smart decisions for his own well-being, while Macfadyen, one of the best things about “Succession,” gets the best role. Fred is as white bread as they come, happily sharing his massively detailed train set with his boy, yet the British actor does darkly smarmy better than most anyone.

While “Holland” has decent star power, it whiffs on its comedic tones, sinister underpinnings and a mystery that doesn’t exactly satisfy. Instead of playing with your mind and a sense of reality, this forgettable flick will just make you snooze.

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